10 Questions To Ask To Go Deep In Your Relationship

Let’s face it… we all love taking short cuts. And, if we aren’t careful, our relationships are often taken for granted.

But too many short cuts can lead to a lazy, unintentional relationship that merely exists, instead of thrives.

If you want to shed years of emotional baggage, feel loved and cared for, and become your partner’s ultimate partner, then you probably want to keep reading.

Maybe you’ve been dating or married for several years…

Or maybe you’re just a fan of soul-shaking depth that heals you to the core…

Whatever your reason, you find yourself craving the ability to go deeper with your intimate partner.

How To Go Deeper In Your Intimate Relationships

In the day to day of our relationships, a lot of stuff can get swept under the rug. Combine that with the fact that a lot of partners don’t really get to know each other on a deep level at the beginning of their relationships (or at any point) and you could be highly prone to emotionally stepping on your partner’s toes without knowing it.

I recommend asking some of the following questions once every few months, and others on a weekly basis.

For best results, clear all distractions from your environment. Turn off your phones, close the laptops, and switch off the TV. Make sure the kids are asleep and the dog is taken care of. Clear out any and all extraneous things that could potentially ping their way in to the space that you are creating and handle them ahead of time.

It’s unbelievable how much even a thirty-minute, distractions free, emotional block busting session once per week conducted from the comfort of your bed can do for your entire relationship.

Don’t believe me? Give it ONE try, and see what comes of it. If you don’t like it you never have to do it again. But this exercise could be the exact thing you need to take your relationship from surviving to thriving.

Here are ten questions to ask to go deep in your intimate relationship.

1. Is there anything I can do for you in this moment to help you feel more comfortable or loved?

Assuming that you are kicking things off right by lying down together in a distractions free room, it’s always good to ask if your partner needs anything before you start leaning into the heavier stuff.

Just like symphony orchestra members tune to each other before they play a concert, you and your partner might need to touch base before you get in to the good stuff.

Maybe they want to lie in silence for a minute and breathe deeply. Maybe they want you to hug them and show your love with your eye contact first. Or maybe they need to quickly go and make sure that their cell phone is completely switched off. Whatever they need to settle in, let them settle. It will be worth it.

2. How can I better support you in your life?

Ahhh… the all encompassing dream/mission/passion supporter.

Sometimes this question will spark something for your partner, and sometimes it won’t – and that’s okay.

Maybe it will come out as something as simple as “Could you please kiss me in the mornings before you get out of bed… even if you haven’t brushed your teeth ? It really affects my day for the better if you kiss me before getting up and getting dressed.” Or it could be something as large as “I’m about to take on a really huge project at work and I really don’t know how much mental bandwidth I’ll have by the time that I get home. Would you mind making dinner for the next week and I promise I’ll make it up to you after this particular work sprint dies down?”

Whatever favour they ask of you, you aren’t contractually obligated to comply. But simply by asking the question and letting them voice their honest thoughts, you will be engaging in the dance of intentional intimacy.

3. Is there anything I have done in the past week that may have unknowingly hurt you?

Alright, brace yourself… this is where we start to head into the emotionally uprooting territory of this exercise.

While I don’t believe that you need to shine a light on absolutely everything in the dark subconscious of your mind in order to have a healthy relationship, it is good to uproot the major things that get swept under the rug.

Whether it was something that you thought was insignificant, or an argument that you had that you thought was thoroughly squashed, your partner’s answer to this question might surprise you.

Receive it lovingly, with patience, and let them tell their entire side of the story without interrupting. Truly listen to them. Recognize that, even if you didn’t mean to hurt them in the slightest, it takes real vulnerability and courage for your partner to voice frustration/resentment/discomfort with something that occurred between the two of you.

Sincerely thank them for sharing their thoughts with you (it’s not an easy thing to do for most people), and follow up by apologizing for the incident, or asking what you can do or say to help them feel more complete about the event.

4. When you come home from work, what can I do or say that will make you feel the most loved?

Depending on what kind of job your partner has and how they are as an individual, they might want something entirely different than what you expect as their preferred method of being greeted.

They might want to have as little communication as possible for the first few minutes as they settle in to their new environment. Or perhaps diving right into physical affection is more their way of relating.

Whatever they need, all it takes is one simple question in order for you to better understand your partner and to go deeper in your relationship.

 (sexual touch is coming up soon).

Is there any kind of physical intimacy that they feel is lacking? Do they want to hold hands more? Do they love it when you play with their hair? Do they adore when you come up behind them and wrap your arms around them?

Ask, get clear on what would make them feel more loved, and then incorporate that kind of touch into your daily schedule to the best of your ability.

6. Do you think you will need more closeness or more alone time over the next couple of days?

Our individual needs for independence and intimacy vary greatly from day to day.

Maybe your partner has been having an emotionally charged week and they need an extra large dose of words of affirmation, physical intimacy, and compliments. Or maybe they are charging full steam ahead in their career and they need a bit more space as they grab their life’s steering wheel for a little while.

A greater need for independence and alone time doesn’t mean that they love you any less, and nor does a greater need for intimacy mean that they are needy. People simply have emotional needs that fluctuate depending on a huge variety of elements in their ever-changing lives. And the more you can accommodate your partner, while still being conscious of your own mental and emotional needs, the better.

7. Is there any argument that we had this past week that you feel incomplete about?

Similar to the third question in that this one directly brings up potential wounds from the previous week. By asking this in a different context, your partner gets to consider whether they thought your arguments felt complete.

You might have a gut-level resistance to asking this one (“But if I ask this… won’t they remember that they were mad and then get mad at me again!”) but working through this uncomfortable moment together will make it so that the unspoken, underlying tension is allowed to dissipate.

Have you ever heard the expression “Saying no hurts for a moment, but saying yes hurts for months”? It basically says that when we are assertive and direct with our desires, it can be uncomfortable. But if we don’t, the trade off would be the low-lying anxiety that we feel by not being true to ourselves.

This question works much in the same way. It’s so easy to ignore the difficult moments from the past week. What takes courage and strength is intentionally working through it so that the dirt between you isn’t given the chance to grow into resentment.

So be proactive… your relationship will thank you.

8. How do you feel about our sex life lately?

One of the main differences between your intimate partner and every other relationship in your life is that you (hopefully) have sex with your partner. And yet, along with money, what is ranked as the most common topic that couples cite as the most stressful thing that they don’t discuss that break them up? You guessed it… sex.

Ask your partner about their level of satisfaction with your recent sex life. Ask them if there’s anything they would like more of, less of, or even different sex acts than you’ve been having.

This question will be easier to answer the longer you’ve been in the relationship, so have some patience if you’re a new item.

9. What are the main stressors currently in your life, and is there any way I can alleviate that stress for you, if only a small amount?

An open ended question that gets people to dig deep and show their soft underbelly.

This question is the easiest way to get a window into your partner’s mind by directly asking them what they’re currently struggling with.

As with any of the questions mentioned in this article, feel free to calibrate the wording to how you naturally speak. Anything that gets across the subtext of “How can I lighten your load?” is a surefire way to increase the feelings of depth and connectedness in your relationship.

10. When do you find speaking difficult and how can I best support you through those moments?

This one is one of the questions that you can ask every few months or so, and boy is it ever powerful.

Everyone has different emotional triggers that make them feel vulnerable in a variety of different situations.

Maybe your partner feels easily attacked when you do something that they interpret as criticizing them publicly. Maybe your partner tends to shut down when you argue about certain emotionally charged topics like sex, finances, or the in-laws. Or maybe something could happen in the bedroom that makes them feel inadequate or embarrassed.

Whatever the reason may be, there’s always a way around it that could make your partner feel a lot more cared for and loved.

I had one client of mine establish a non-verbal hand signal for when they were feeling attacked or vulnerable (it was a two-fingered peace sign held over his heart). When he used this sign it communicated to his partner – when words failed him – that he was feeling like he had his back against the wall and he needed her to be more loving.

To this particular couple, the peace sign meant a number of things. It meant that they were going to take a two-second breather, and that they were remembering to engage with each other from a place of peace and love. It meant that no matter what they were fighting about, they were allowed to take a breath and come back to it with a calmer and more loving communication style.

While this is just one example of a way that someone can be loved through difficult moments, there are countless other ways that you and your partner can love each other through the tough times. And the only way you’ll figure out what works for you as individuals is to talk it out.

The Most Efficient Way To De-Clutter Your Relationship

I’m not suggesting that you become codependent-ly obsessed with solving all of your partner’s troubles around the clock. And nor does every topic need to be talked to death. Some of these questions will speak to you more than others and that’s just fine. This exercise is merely meant to start the conversation that very few couples ever have with each other.

A lot of things tend to get swept under the rug in intimate relationships. The questions outlined above are simply a tool that you can use to lift up the rug, sweep out the accumulated muck, and get on your with awesome lives as a happily connected couple.

Do you love the questions outlined above? Share it with your friends on social media and help the world grow emotionally.

6 Connection Exercises For Couples To Build Intimacy

Over the past few years I’ve compiled quite the collection of connection exercises that have helped couples from all walks of life increase their intimacy and sense of connectedness.

The couples that tend to flock towards coaching with me are not people who are on the brink of divorce but people who are already in a fairly good place and want to level up their intimate connection. They want to take their 8/10 relationship to a 10/10 relationship.

Here are six of my top connection exercises that my clients most consistently respond the best to. You can do the following in any order, for any length of time, and on a daily or weekly schedule.

(Side note: if you’re looking for this concept, but purely through verbal communication, check out this article on asking better questions for more depth in your relationship)

1. Soul Gazing

My clients aren’t the kind of people who half-ass things. And this one is definitely not for the faint of heart if you’re just beginning (beginners should try #3, or 6).

To engage in soul gazing, face each other in a seated position with your knees close to touching and hold eye contact for 3-5 minutes. Yes, you are allowed to blink. Yes, it may feel slightly awkward for the first 1-2 minutes if you’ve never tried this before. And yes, you should avoid talking during the exercise. If the quiet is too uncomfortable for you, choose a 4-5 minute song and commit to holding the eye contact for the duration of the song.

In a world that is increasingly trying to grab our attention and distract us, this connection exercise is sure to efficiently re-spark the home fires. Doing this a few times per week will give you that slowed down connection you and your partner are looking for.

2. Extended Cuddle Time

So simple, yet so often ignored.

What is your bedtime routine? Do you distract yourselves with cell phones, laptops, or books? Do you rationalize that using those things helps you get to sleep? Well, the happy chemicals that get released in your brain from cuddling and/or sex help you get to sleep even easier.

Whether it’s close to your collective bedtime or not, having an extended cuddle session a few times per week does wonders for your intimate relationship.

A few of my clients cuddle to a certain music playlist that they know is a specific length of time (often 20-30 minutes) as their daily required minimum of physical affection. But that’s what works for them.

What would you like to see change in your bedtime routine? Think about it, talk to your partner about it, and then incorporate it into your lives as a non-negotiable connection habit.

3. The 7 Breath Forehead Connection Exercise

This one sounds slightly woo-woo, new-agey… but trust me… IT. IS. AWESOME!

Whether you’re lying on your sides or sitting upright, face each other directly and gently touch your foreheads together. Put your chins down slightly so your noses aren’t quite touching (it’s okay if they touch a bit but touching noses is not necessary for this exercise).

With your foreheads touching, breathe seven deep, slow breaths in sync with your partner. Similar to the eye contact exercise the first one or two breaths might feel like they’re taking up a lot of conscious thought, but by the third or fourth breath it will feel like a very natural thing to do.

This exercise isn’t limited to seven breaths (you can keep going for several minutes if you’d like) but I find that seven breaths is the perfect minimum number of breaths for couples to really drop in to the moment and feel connected. If you and your partner are overachievers who like extra homework you can absolutely do this exercise for several minutes if you feel so inclined.

4. Uninterrupted Listening

This is the first verbal exercise on the list, and for good reason. I think that in order to drop into our connection with our partner it’s beneficial to start with some non-verbal exercises. Exercises 4, 5, and 6 are verbal, and I would strongly recommend doing one or two of the aforementioned non-verbal exercises first before you start in with your words.

For this exercise, set a timer and let your partner say whatever they need to in order to vent to you. They can talk about their day, their career, how they feel about you, what’s been on their mind lately… whatever they feel like. During their verbal brain dump, it is the receiver’s job to simply listen. The receiver doesn’t offer any advice or verbal feedback in any way. You just imagine your partner’s words as a flowing stream of emotion, and you soak it up. You are free to give non-verbal listening cues with your eyes or body language. But the exercise as the receiver is to simply listen to whatever the speaker has to say. Once the timer has gone off, the roles switch and the other partner has their turn to speak in an uninterrupted stream of consciousness.

One partner might be more verbal than the other, and that’s just fine. Often the partner who is quieter or in their head more of the time will welcome the chance to verbalize their thoughts without interruption because they might feel more frequently interrupted in their daily life (whether by their partner, friends, or co-workers, etc.)

5. The Weekly CEO Meeting

Do you and your partner have fairly busy lives?

A lot of communication errors can occur through the course of a week (unfinished arguments, unmet expectations, unheard desires).

Think of the weekly CEO meeting as a way to take out all of your unfinished business and hold it up to the light.

For this exercise, schedule a non-negotiable 30-minute connection block where you and your partner remove all distractions from your environment (phones, computers, children, etc.) and have a conversation like the intentional grownups you both are.

You can start with questions like “How do you feel about us today?”, “Is there anything you feel incomplete about from this past week that you would like to talk about?”, or “How can I make you feel more loved in the coming days?”

Or, full a full list of questions to help you go deep in your intimate relationship, you cancheck out this article here.

6. 5 Things… Go!

This is a personal favourite of mine because it’s quick, simple, and can be done anywhere.

Whenever you or your partner calls out your unique codeword or theme, you both go through “5 things” within a certain topic. Some common examples would be 5 things that you’re grateful about in your life, 5 things you love about your partner, or 5 things that you would love to do with your partner within the next few weeks.

You can either take turns counting out your five (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5), or you can take alternating turns each round (1, 1, 2, 2, 3, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5)

The versatility and playfulness of this exercise make it a total winner in my books. Get creative. The exercise and the numerous lists that you sound off are only limited by your imagination.

(Want more examples of themes? 5 things that would go into your perfect day. 5 things that inspire you about your partner. 5 things that you love that your partner has done for you lately. 5 things your partner has ever said that had a huge impact on you.)

Can You Inject Connection Into An Existing Relationship?

When I first suggest to some of my clients that they intentionally set aside time in their calendars to connect as a couple, I am sometimes met with resistance.

“We’re dating/we got married for a reason… shouldn’t we just feel connected automatically like we used to when we first started dating?”

While it’s a romantic concept that your relationship should fully run on autopilot, relationships thrive when you put effort into them. And yes, I’m sure you can get by just fine without doing any of the above exercises and have a ‘good’ relationship… but if you want a great relationship I’d recommend giving a few of the above exercises a try. Worst case scenario, you lose a few seconds or a few minutes of your life on an exercise that didn’t do all that much for you. Best case scenario, you discover one of your new favourite things to do with your partner and it becomes an effortless and easy way to re-connect as a couple whenever you feel you may need it.

5 Ways To Stay Attracted To A Partner You’ve Been With For Years

One of the most common questions that I get asked from my clients in relationships is “How do you stay attracted to someone you’ve been with for years?”

I’ve interviewed couples who have been married from a few months to 50+ years, and they all agree – sexual attraction ebbs and flows in every relationship.

Whether it’s because of your stress levels, busy schedules, or your partner’s parents are in town for the week and it has one or both of you in a bad mood, there are bound to be some roadblocks to your overall arousal levels.

But what if, lifestyle factors aside, it feels like you’ve been less attracted to your partner lately?

Here are five ways that you can stay attracted to a partner long-term, and shake off the cobwebs.

1. Look In The Mirror

A lot of times, the ups and downs of sexual attraction in my clients’ relationships speaks to how they currently feel about themselves.

When they are happy and have high self-esteem; their partner is the sexiest person in the world.

When they feel stressed, distracted, or down on themselves, then their partner seems to lose their appeal.

So, while it is easy to project our insecurities and bad moods on what’s most readily available (your partner), make sure that you look in the mirror and ask yourself if YOU feel attractive and emotionally fulfilled.

2. Give Yourself The Opportunity To Miss Them

We live in a hyper connected world where everyone you love is just a text away. But excessive intimacy causes anxiety. And now, with a higher percentage of the world’s population living in mega-cities of millions of people, people are starting to feel the pinch.

If you are constantly around your partner, you won’t have the opportunity to miss them. They will start to feel like a burden more than a treat.

When you’re with your partner, give them your full attention. But when you’re away from them, get on with your life.

Let go of the need to text them every day. Build up your stories so that you have something to talk about when you meet up again in person.

Have your guys’ night, or go on weekend getaways, or have an exercise regime that does not include your partner.

Have some sense of independence and autonomy, so that when you meet up again, you’ve both been given the chance to think “Oh yeah… I really like them. I’m looking forward to seeing them again!”

3. Prime Your Brain With Appreciation

People’s brains have a funny way of needing to appear consistent with their words, actions, and thoughts.

So if you have been taking your partner for granted and not putting any effort into your relationship, your brain will rationalize “If I’m not putting any effort into this relationship… it must mean that I’m not that into her.”

But the reverse is also true. If you’ve found your desire waning recently in your relationship, simply by putting in more effort your mind will think “I’ve been putting so much effort into this relationship lately, I must really love my girlfriend/wife/partner a lot!”

There are two major ways that you can prime your brain with this kind of positive influence.

The first is active appreciation, and the second is to keep dating them.

Just like gratitude journaling, if you prime your mind to look for the positive feedback in your life, you will filter out even more positives. This has a beneficial, cascading effect that alters the way you see your entire life. And you can do this with your relationship.

Instead of thinking “She never puts effort into her looks anymore. She wears sweat pants around me half the time we’re at home”… you can reframe that as “I love how comfortable she is around me. She truly lets me see her like no one else gets to.”

Instead of “I hate how she puts me on the spot at social gatherings. She brings up my career and then expects me to carry the weight of the conversation”… you can reframe that as “Wow… she’s so proud of me and my accomplishments that she wants to see me shine in the eyes of my peers but goes through the effort of introducing the topic for me so I don’t seem like a show off. She clearly cares about me.”

Instead of “That is disgusting. I can’t believe she left her nail clippings on the table”… you can reframe that as “I love that even after all this time, they still put in the effort to stay groomed and soft.”

The more you see her actions through the lens of love and assume good intentions, the more you’ll see that she is loving you, constantly, in her own way.

On to the second point: continue to date them.

If you date your partner like you did in the first few months of your relationship, a lot of your relationship stress will fall away.

Woo your partner. Surprise them with little gifts. Be romantic. Have distraction-free date nights regularly.

Date them like they’re new to you and, because of your brain’s propensity to want to seem consistent with your bodies actions, you will fall more in love with them with each gesture.

4. Think About Losing Them

Everything in your life will someday end. Everyone you love will die. Every relationship you currently are engaged in will have a final moment.

Now that I’ve gotten the happy news out of the way…

How would you look at your partner if this was the last time you were going to see them? How would you act differently if you knew you wouldn’t see them after this coming weekend? Would you fight more fairly? Would you tell them you loved them more? Would you be kinder, gentler, or more loving towards them?

By keeping yourself aware of the fact that everything in your life has an expiration date, you can show up moment to moment in your relationship as the kind of person that you’re striving to be.

Besides, it’s a lot easier to think “Oh my god I would shrink down and live in her lower back dimples if I could” compared to “She’s getting a little too chubby,” when your mind is aware that everything is temporary. Actively appreciate and focus on everything that you love about your partner. The choice is always yours, and it’s a lot easier (and more fun) when you do.

5. Funnel All Of Your Sexual Energy Towards Them

Sexual energy is a finite resource for all people.

If you find yourself squandering your sexual energy by looking at porn, lengthily admiring other attractive women in public, or masturbating several times a day and leaving whatever is left over for your partner, then you both lose.

Picture sexual energy like running water through your body and you can funnel it in any direction you want. And the more you funnel it in a certain direction, the steadier it gets in that same direction (just like how river beds deepen over time the more water runs through them).

Consciously channel your sexual energy towards your partner and, coming back to the point I made in section #3, your mind will act consistent with your thoughts and actions.

If you enjoy masturbating and using porn outside of your sexual practice with your partner (nothing wrong with that at all), I recommend masturbating to images/videos of your partner that she either made for you or you made together.

You don’t have to be in a long-distance relationship to take advantage of the beauty and wonder of x-rated images of your partner.

Your mind is getting more adept at whatever you are doing in any moment, be it good or bad habits. So, if you can control the outcome, why not prime your arousal response to your partner, as opposed to someone you don’t know on your computer screen?

How Do You Stay Attracted To Your Partner Long-Term?

Decide on it.

Love, like happiness, is largely a choice. It’s a mental filtering process.

Choose to see your partner in the same light that you saw them in when you first started dating… and filter out the things that would irk you if you chose to ruminate on them.

Look at your partner through rose coloured glasses, not through a magnifying glass.

7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship

Men and women are at an emotional stalemate.

We feel something’s lacking in our relationships. The majority of men aren’t able to penetrate their women fully, nor are women fully opening to their men.

Women aren’t opening because men aren’t giving them what they need. Women feel disappointed and resentful; they are suffering. When women suffer, and they feel like they aren’t being seen, they close off to their men.

Fortunately, you can learn the right tools to be able to more fully penetrate your woman. You can give your partner what she needs, allowing her to feel seen so that she will open again.

Take the time to read through these needs. Let them sink in. Understanding what you can do to help your partner fully open will not only improve your relationship, but it will improve your entire life.

Here are the seven things that all women want in a relationship.

1. To Feel Loved

When women feel loved, they relax and open to us. The arguments dissipate, the sex is abundant, and their nurturing feminine energy flows throughout our lives.

Not feeling loved is the subtext of every argument that you and your partner have.

If she is unhappy that you are going out with your friends, or she’s upset about her day at work, or she is only responding to you with brief snippets of sentences, then the cause is most likely her not feeling loved enough.

Learn to see through her words, actions, and moods and see what the real root of it is.

2. To Feel Safe

There is a war being waged on women’s self-esteem, sexuality, and safety from a very young age.

Because of the barrage of disempowering messages being sent to women regarding their sexuality, women need to have a safe space where they feel that they can trust their partners.

She wants to trust your strength. She wants to feel like you can handle whatever she shows you.

She wants to feel like you will not judge her if she asks for something risqué. She wants to know you won’t collapse in defeat if she tells you to do it “This way” instead.

By creating a safe space for your woman to open up to you emotionally and sexually, you will be giving her a very powerful gift- you allow her to grow within your relationship and undo old emotional damage.

3. To Feel Seen

Women want to feel seen.

She wants to feel you hearing her, and being aware of her emotional state.

She doesn’t necessarily want you to be affected by her emotional state, but she does want you to be witness to it.

If she is sitting across the room from you and you aren’t picking up on the fact that she is suffering emotionally and on the verge of tears, she will begin to trust you less. She will think, “If he can’t see that I am hurting now, how long will it take him to figure it out? Will I be suffering for days or weeks before he is aware of it or cares enough to help me through this? I guess I have to rely on myself for my own emotional support.”

Life can seem extremely lonely, even within a relationship. You have to constantly show your partner that at least one person will be witness to her and her journey through life. (Hint: that person is you.)

4. To Be Allowed To Be Nurturing

Just as masculine energy has the need to protect, feminine energy has the desire to nurture.

Women want to see the cracks in our armour. They want to see that we trust them enough to open up to them. They want to be able to help us through our sadness.

An integrated, evolved man who has a balanced masculine energy as well as his own sliver of feminine would welcome his woman’s nurturing.

If you are a guy reading this, have you ever held open a door for a woman because it’s the polite thing to do (but more just because she’s a person and it wasn’t even a gender-based act) and she chews your ear off for it? “Oh what? I can’t open the door for myself because I’m a woman?! You sexist pig!”

That is an example of a wounded, unbalanced woman who doesn’t want to accept help from a masculine source. This is exactly how it feels to your partner when you push her away when you feel the most vulnerable. “I don’t need to lay my head down on your chest and tell you about my feelings because I don’t have any!” That is a lie. It’s a lie that serves your purpose of not letting your partner in. This lack of vulnerability and authenticity is what is making you and your partner suffer.

So let her in. She wants to love you.

Men mess up their relationships in these three specific ways. You have to see this before it’s too late…

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5. To Feel Sexually Desired

What’s a major difference between your relationship to your partner and your relationship to everyone else in your life? You have sex with your partner.

Women need to feel sexually desired. They want to make sure that you see and appreciate them as a feminine, sexual being.

Praise her body. Feel her and grab her appreciatively. Remind her that you see her as a sexual being and you will both benefit.

6. To Be Appreciated

The feminine in all people responds primarily to praise and appreciation.

Remind your partner that you love her. Tell her that you appreciate what she brings to your life. Show her how much she means to you.

The fastest way to run your relationship into the ground is by ignoring your partner and taking her for granted. Appreciation is the opposite of those things. Appreciation is the embodying this mindset: “I am aware of what you bring to my life, and I want you to be sure that I am aware of it as well.”

So tell her what you appreciate, and tell her often.

7. To Feel Like She Can Count On You

Life gets pretty messy sometimes.

When life’s unavoidable difficulties arise, do you fall apart under pressure or are you able to bend and not break?

Women want to know that we can handle ourselves when life happens. They want to know that we won’t run and hide when they get a bit ‘too emotional’ for our liking. They want to know that they can count on us.

When you tell your partner you’ll do something, and then you don’t do it, it hurts her. She loses a piece of trust in you that has to be earned back. Even seemingly small things break that trust like you saying that you will wash the dishes shortly after dinner, but washing them the next morning instead.

When enough small transgressions like this are sprinkled throughout your relationship, she will distrust you.

Do what you say you will do, be who you say you are, and be consistent in your actions.

What Do Women Need In A Relationship?

Women want partners that care.

Women don’t want perfect partners; they want men who are striving to be their best selves.

She doesn’t necessarily want someone who has every step of his life pre-planned, but she wants someone with drive and with goals.

She doesn’t necessarily want someone who cries every day, but she does want someone who has the courage to cry in front of her when he needs to.

She doesn’t necessarily want someone who stays in therapy for his entire life, but she does want someone who has the courage to face his own emotional demons.

So put in the work. End the stalemate. Decide that you want to be in the kind of relationship that most people don’t have and you want to put in the effort necessary to become that kind of man.

The women of the world are waiting for us. And they want us to step up just as badly as we want them to open up.

7 Exercises To Increase Your Sexual Stamina

Every man wants to be a better lover.

For many men, the thought of being unable to provide a lasting and deeply fulfilling sexual experience for his partner is something that causes stress and anxiety.

You want to give the kind of sexual performance that has you hoping she’ll brag about it to her friends (instead of worrying she’ll be complaining to them).

Why Increasing Your Sexual Stamina Is Important

Sex is integral to a thriving relationship. It bonds you. It keeps you connected.

Muscles weaken over time and can atrophy from neglect… and this includes sex specific muscles.

Sexual confidence comes from sexual competence. By building up your skill set and your sexual stamina, you will enter the bedroom with a new sense of pride and conviction in your abilities.

Try out just a few of these tips and you (and your partner) will be noticing a difference in no time.

7 Exercises To Increase Your Sexual Stamina

Sexual stamina is not limited to the performance of your penis. Deep, transformational sex is a whole body experience and therefore requires your whole body to be fit and ready.

1. Tongue

Ever had your tongue or jaw cramp up during oral sex? You know it wasn’t fun for you and it definitely wasn’t for her.

Strengthen your jaw and tongue muscles by doing tongue push-ups. Push the underside of the tip of your tongue into the front of your hard palate (the front of the roof of your mouth, right behind your front teeth). Do this enough times with enough strength and it will become easier over time (giving you more sexual stamina for oral sex).

To take this exercise to the next level you can start putting hard-shelled chocolate candies between your tongue and the hard palate and practice crushing them with your tongue’s force (or use grapes for a healthier alternative).

2. Forearm

Whether you’re propping yourself up for a position or stimulating her G-spot, your sexual stamina requires a certain amount of forearm strength.

If you haven’t already, pick up some free weights or a gym membership and bump up the weight on your forearm curls.

3. Abs And Lower Back

Your abdominal and lower back muscles get used quite a bit in almost every sexual position.

Practice inverted curls, squats, deadlifts, planks, and pushups for greater overall ab and lower back strength.

4. Connect With Your Breath

We’ve all heard of the “Just think about baseball…” trick to avoid ejaculating too quickly. In reality, this trick doesn’t work. The less connected your mind is to your body, the less control you have over it.

You want to be extra aware of your sexual arousal levels. You want to put all of your attention on the pleasure you’re feeling.

An easier way to control your ejaculation is to focus on relaxing and breathing. Breathe deeply and allow your muscles to relax. You ejaculate prematurely when you are anxious and tense; the “fight or flight” response in your body is triggered by your muscular tension. Avoid this by relaxing, extending foreplay, and breathing more deeply.

Discover the exact exercise that instantly makes you last longer in bed…

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5. Sleep

Your testosterone (the hormone that is largely responsible for your sex drive) is produced while you sleep. If you have consistently poor sleep, your testosterone levels drop rapidly.

Keep as much artificial light away from your eyes as possible two hours prior to your bedtime. Sleep in as dark of a room as possible, and prioritize getting at least 8 hours of rest per night. Your testosterone production will increase from the improved sleep. The extra testosterone will give your sexual stamina a boost.

6. Pelvic Floor Exercises

Ever heard of the PC muscle? The pubococcygeus (PC) muscle is a hammock-shaped muscle that stretches from your pubic bone to your tailbone. It forms your pelvic floor and exists in both men and women. It is the muscle that you can engage when you are peeing to stop the flow of urine.

In many people, these muscles are largely ignored and they begin to weaken over time. Having a strong pelvic floor increases erectile strength, ejaculatory control, and the strength of your orgasms.

To get a greater awareness of your PC muscle, occasionally pulse and hold the muscle to give it a wake up call. Similar to the tongue strengthening exercise, you will feel it becoming easier over time. Start with quick pulses, move up to sets of ten two-second holds, and then after a few days see if you can do ten five-seconds holds without much of a break in between.

Keep this up and you’ll have a six pack in your pants in no time.

7. PC Muscle Exercises On Steroids

The preceding exercises are great to get a relationship with your PC muscle, but you don’t build a muscle by going to the gym and flexing your arm for half an hour (not much of a muscle at least).

Muscles need to be challenged to grow. So how can you challenge your PC muscle to grow into a sub-waistline six pack?

Masturbate to arousal and drape a dry hand towel over your erection. With the towel in place, do penis push-ups by flexing your PC muscle and lifting the towel.

To increase the difficulty of this exercise, use a wet hand towel once you have mastered the dry hand towel push up. After that, you can upgrade to a small dry beach towel. These exercises are not for the faint of heart, but I promise, even doing five minutes a day a few times per week will make a noticeable difference in erectile strength and ejaculatory control. Try it out and see what results you experience.

Bonus Tips

Not only do you need muscular stamina for sex, but cardiovascular endurance and flexibility are necessary to improve your bedroom prowess.

For cardio, aim to sweat a minimum of three times per week outside of the bedroom. Whether you achieve this through running, speed-walking, rock climbing, or whatever you find the most fun, it’s up to you.

As for flexibility, men tend to store a lot of tension in their hips and lower back. Look into different styles of yoga to see what could help your body relax for more enjoyable sex. If you’re not sure where to start, look up hip opening stretches online.

Also, don’t neglect your diet. Loading up your body with stimulants and depressants on a daily basis (in the form of caffeine, sugar, alcohol, or cigarettes) has far-reaching negative effects on your health and libido. Cut back on the coffee. You will feel much more awake with the surge of testosterone coursing through your veins than the artificial buzz that caffeine gives you.

Going The Distance

On average, women take longer to reach their peak levels of sexual arousal during foreplay and intercourse. They also tend to take longer to reach orgasm.

By increasing your sexual stamina, you allow your partner the space and freedom she needs to fully open up to you so you can share the kind of thriving sex life you both deeply crave.